Monday, April 18, 2011

On Men, Toilets, and Collateral Damage

Or "Water, Water, Everywhere, But Not a Drop to Drink"

Tonight I'll finally justify adding that "adult content" warning to my blog. And this post is for the ladies. It's about peeing. I'm going to say words like "penis" and "orgasm" and at the end there will be a picture of a stick figure taking a leak.

On more than one occasion I've heard a girl say, after seeing a toilet wet with urine, "how hard could it be to aim? it's not like the toilet is that small." That seems like a fair question, at least from someone who has never used a penis to go number one. Having had over two decades of experience doing just that, I feel qualified to tell you it's not that simple.

On occasion, a small part of end of the urethra may stick together, causing the stream of urine to split, much like if you put your finger across the tip of a garden hose. This occurs more frequently following orgasm or when very aroused. In some cases, birth defects or some genital piercings can cause this to happen regularly.

To conclude, the next time you see the toilet all wet, your reaction shouldn't be "how the hell does this happen?", but "why the hell didn't the bastard wipe it up?"

Finally, a comic for my illiterate readers:


  1. Not to mention, if the stream flows at a good clip, the splash can make a mighty mess.

  2. That's always my reaction anyway. Does no one bother to check their seat-status?